Wednesday, December 30, 2009

More sexy times to come....

Hello everyone.

Just wanted to let you know that more sexy times and conversations are to come after the new year. Please send in your questions to and they will be answered in 2010.

Have a very sexy new year,

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Is wetter better?

A lot of my friends use lube and I have never used it? I guess I don't need it is this weird? Should I use it?

Do I need it?
Your body as part of the sexual response cycle creates it's own lubricants. During arousal the vaginal walls secrete fluids to lubricate the vagina decrease friction during penetration. Some women create enough lubricant and some women don't. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Some people just like lube to enhance pleasure with better slipping and sliding.

What kind should i use:
There are three different kinds of lubricats water-based, silicone-based and oil-baed. If you use condoms ALWAYS use a water based lubricant. Each of these has their advantages and disadvantages,however water-based lubes are by far the most popular. Some popular ones in the market are: KY jelly, Astroglide, Maximus and Wet.

What is a no no?
Never use oil based lubricants with condoms. Never use petroleum jelly (li.e. Vaseline), baby oil, hand or body lotions, cooking oils (i.e. Pam), etc... Within seconds the oil breaks down the latex and will cause the condom to break. So unless you are looking for an STI or to get pregnant stay away from the oils.

You can get most of the popular lubricants like KY at your drugstore or grocery store but if you are looking for a better selection of slippery merchandise try a sex toy store or "adult store." As always have fun and happy lubing.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Plan B: Where can I get me some of that?

When am I supposed to take Plan B and where can I get it?

Plan B is a form of emergency contraception also know as "the morning after pill." It is NOT the abortion pill.

Time is of the essence
Plan B can be taken up to 120 hours after you had unprotected sex or your birth control failed (i.e. condom broke). The sooner you take it the more effective it is but it can be taken up to 5 days after (120 hours).

How does it work?
Plan B is made up of the same hormones as in birth control pills. Just like birth control pills Plan B prevents ovulation. The hormones also prevent pregnancy by thickening a woman's cervical mucus, which blocks sperm and keeps it from joining with an egg. Plan B also thins the lining of the uterus which would prevent a fertilized egg from being able to implant and attach to the uterus.

Where can I get me some?
Plan B can be purchased at your pharmacy. You have to ask the pharmacist for it but if you are over the age of 17 you should be able to get it, if you are under the age of 17 then you need a prescription from your doctor. The price ranged from $10-$70 depending on where you get it but averages around $40-$50.

*** Plan B is called Plan B for a reason ... there are a lot of Plan A's that you can use: don't have sex, condoms, birth control pills, diaphragm, IUD, sponge etc... Plan B is not and should not be taken as your only form of birth control. If you are concerned about becoming pregnant please see a doctor and discuss your birth control options, BE PROACTIVE!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Yeasty Cha Cha

I heard that you can get a yeast infection from wearing tight jeans is this true?

In a one word answer... kinda....

What is a yeast infection?
Yeast Infection (Candidiasis) is a fungus that likes to grow in moist warm areas (i.e. your vagina).

What's going on down there?
Let's think of the vagina as a delicate eco system. It is best when it has a certain pH. Yeasts are found in the vagina normally but can overgrow if the eco system in the vagina changes. Kind of like when your lawn grows crazy after a good rain.

One of the most common symptoms is a vaginal discharge that resembled cottage cheese. Usually there is itching and irritation in and around the vagina. Some women report that they may have pain with sex or it burns when they pee.

There are many over the counter treatments such as gels, creams, inserts etc... Which may help with the itching and burning but if the vaginal discharge lasts for more than 1 week, CALL YOUR DOCTOR!

What about my pants?
Wearing tight pants increases the warmth and makes it a really good place to grow bacteria. People that wear spandex or pantyhose all the time might experience the same thing. Now I am not saying if you wear tight jeans expect a yeasty suprise in the morning just be mindful to let your vagina breath every once in awhile. Take it out for a walk get some fresh air... feel the breeze on your cha cha

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Fore-skins and seven years ago....

Why do some people prefer having sex with someone with foreskin? Does it really feel better?

Well first let's take a look at the anatomy of the foreskin. What is it's purpose?

The foreskin is a layer of skin that covers the head of the penis. The outside of the foreskin is much like a continuation of the skin of the shaft of the penis. But the underside of the foreskin is a mucous membrane like the inside of your mouth or your eyelids. If you have never seen an uncircumcised penis... picture it like a circumcised penis wearing a turtle neck.

As far as it being more pleasurable? Well it depends who you ask. When you have your foreskin intact you have more "gliding action." The foreskin moved up and down during intercourse or masturbation. Okay try this out..... put your finger on your eyelid and move the eyelid around... feel how smoothly is glides to and fro??? Many doctors believe that the foreskin is important and increases the pleasure and comfort of both parties involved because of the gliding action and that it reduces vaginal dryness. Many uncircumcised men claim that sexual activity is much more pleasurable for them (and their partners) due to their increased sensitivity and the added friction of having foreskin.

Just a side note that just because you have foreskin does not mean that you are going to be a sex god. It's all about technique and communicating with your partner(s) your wants and needs.

Just like the vulva all penises are unique and different. Everyone enjoys different kinds of stimulation no matter if you are wearing a turtle neck or not. As always have fun!

Friday, December 11, 2009

BC for BF'ers (Birth Control for Breastfeeders)

My wife is thinking of getting the 3yr Implanon birth control. Forums on the web tell horror stories of mood swings, bruising, weight gain, etc etc. She is bad a taking the pill, so what are the other alternatives? Also, her doctor says this is the only thing she can take right after a baby. So what are the other options? Could always go condoms. If we do that, which are the most natural feeling for both she and I?

There are a few options besides implanon that could work for her. Birth control methods that contain progestins are compatible with breastfeeding and are a safe option. You want to stay away from anything with estrogen.

Diaphragm & Cervical Cap
The diaphragm and cervical cap are both viable options if she isn't into taking hormonal methods of birth control. They are a dome or cap made out of latex that covers the cervix. You need to get sized by a healthcare provider and you insert them into the vagina before having sex. These methods are used with spermacide.

Barrier Methods (i.e. condoms)
Condoms are always an option but if you don't love the glove there are other options. Try some different brands and materials and see if you like them. Try polyurethane condoms or lambskin condoms.

Implanon are matchstick sized rods that inserted under the skin by a health care provider. They can last up to 3 years.

Depo Provera Shot
The birth control shot (Depo) is a shot that is given every 3 months by a health care provider.

Mini Pill
The mini pill is a birth control pill that you take daily. If your wife has trouble remembering to take the pill then this is probably not the best option.

IUD (Intrauterine Device)
An IUD can be used by women who are breast feeding. Usually doctors may wait 6 weeks after giving birth so the uterus returns to its pre-pregnant state. Either IUD is considered safe for breast feeding women Mirena(Progestin) or ParaGard(Copper T). An IUD is a T-shaped device that is inserted in to the uterus by a health care provider. Mirena is effecctive for 5 years while in and ParaGard is effective for 12 years while in.

If you aren't interested in having any more kids why not explore having a vasectomy. (Only if you are absolutely sure you don't want any more kids).

Still confused? Planned Parenthood has a great resource to help you choose a method CLICK HERE

***Remember that above all you need to discuss your options with your healthcare provider and figure out what works best for you.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Aunt Flow is MIA

I didn't get my period but I took two pregnancy tests and both said they were negative and I am on birth control... could I still be pregnant?

If you have taken two negative tests and you have no reason to believe your birth control has failed (i.e. you take your pill everyday without missing) then there is very little chance that you may be pregnant.

There are a number of reasons someone can have a late period or skip one all together. Take a look at your cycle... are you normally pretty regular? Have you missed before? What type of birth control are you on? Have you had any changes in your life recently?

Birth Control:
Some birth control pills make you have lighter periods and some you may not have your period at all. This is most common with progesterone methods like Depo Provera shots, Nuva Ring, or the mini pill and is common and seen as a benefit.

Stressed Out:
If you change your schedule (i.e. start working night shifts) or if you are going through a really stressful situation you can miss a period as well. This is a double edged sword because if you are stressed out and then stressed about not getting your period you won't get it.

When people fluctuate in weight gain and weight loss they can miss as well. If you have lost a significant amount of weight or are anorexic then you may experience amenorrhea which is a stopping of your period. Excessive exercise can also change your cycle.

There are other physical or medical condition (like your thyroid) that may be the reason for you missing your period but the golden rule is that if you are not pregnant and you are otherwise felling okay and generally healthy then try not to worry too much about it. If you have missed two or three cycles then I would recommend seeing your gynecologist so they can figure out what is going on. Most importantly try and stay calm and relax and you may just be surprised if Aunt Flow shows up unexpected.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Asking Anal

I am with a new partner and she doesn't want to have anal sex. My previous parter loved it and so did I. How can I convince her to have anal sex?

Many people enjoy anal sex, but some people want nothing to do with it. So how can you convince her that anal is the bees knees?

Talk it over
Most importantly have a conversation about it. Why exactly is she giving the back door a no go? Is she nervous? Afraid it will hurt? Is it an out hole policy? Find out why she doesn't want to and if she is adamant about it then you need to respect her wishes. A successful sexual relationship involves trust and respect. Forcing someone or convincing someone is not the right way to go.

If she is into it but just nervous here are a few things that you can try

Practice before the big game
Pre-game is important. It gives your partner a chance to see if she is into anal play and it will allow her to become more comfortable. It may also peak her interest in anal sexIf she is nervous whether or not she will like it try working in some anal action into your sexual repertoire. Try rubbing, touching or even kissing the anal area. If she is enjoying all of this try inserting a finger, maybe a sex toy and work up to the penis.

Make sure to always use lube during anal sex or anal play. Unlike the vagina the anus does not produce lubrication or relax with arousal. You will need to lube up the penis (condom) and the anus. Make sure to choose a water-based lubricant like Astroglide or KY.

No backsies frontsies
NEVER put anything into the vagina that has been in the anus it will cause an infection. You can go from the vagina to the anus but not anus to vagina. This includes mouth, fingers, sex toys, anything. Always change condoms as well.

Try the reach around
Remember how good the reach around is for vaginal sex and stimulating the clitoris? This can be applied here too (For MSM you can reach around to the penis). Also doggie-style is not the only position that anal sex can be performed. Try different position and find out what is most comfortable for you and your partner.

Wrap it up
If you use condoms you should use them here to. No you are not going to get pregnant but there is an increased chance of creating small tears in the anus and this makes it easier to transmit STI's and infections.

Make sure to always stay in communication with your partner and check in to see how she is doing. Go slow and if she wants to stop...STOP! Remember have fun and be safe.

Note: This is the same for anal sex between two men or between two women.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Condom Conundrum

Are there any other condoms that you can use besides latex? I heard of the lamb one but that grosses me out.

There are a few types of materials that condoms are made out of and yes lambskin is one of them.

Lambskin condoms are made from the intestinal membrane of a lamb (This is one of the oldest ways to make condoms). Lambskin are effective in protecting against pregnancy however they ARE NOT effective for STI protection. Lambskin condoms have small pores that the viruses can pass through; however sperm cannot pass through. They claim have a "more natural" feel than latex and polyurethane no research on polyisoprene is out yet. They are also considered "eco-friendly" because unlike the other types of condoms they are biodegradable. They are more expensive than latex condoms. Trojan NaturaLamb Condoms and Kling-Tite Naturalamb Condoms are two brands that are available.

Polyurethane condoms are thinner and stronger than latex. They also transfer heat better than latex for a more natural feeling. Polyurethane are available in men's and women's condoms. They are more expensive than latex condoms but offer comparable pregnancy and STI protection. Durex-Avanti Polyurethane and Trojan-Supra Non-Latex are two brands that are available.

Polyisoprene is the newest condom on the market and is good for people who have latex or polyurethane allergies. They have a feeling similar to latex. They are more expensive than latex condoms but offer comparable pregnancy and STI protection. LifeStyles-SKYN and Durex-Avanti Bare are two brands that are available.

So which is best for you?
Depends on what your need is. Are you looking for just pregnancy protection... any of the above would work. Remember lambskin does not protect against STI's. Try a few of them out give them a whirl and see which ones are best for you and your partner(s).

Friday, December 4, 2009

Threesome Etiquette

My partner and I have been together for over two years. We have a great relationship and wonderful sex. Recently, my partner expressed interest in having a threesome or sex with another couple. He said he really enjoys the sex we have together but thought it would be fun to spice things up. Although it sounds intriguing I'm rather apprehensive... what am I to do?

Well you've seen it in pornos, movies, read about it, maybe even dreamed about it and now it's your chance to take place in a threesome or foursome hell even a tensome but what are you to do? Do you know proper etiquette? How do you make sure you are okay with what is going on?

Be honest with yourself
Make sure you take the time to ask yourself if this is something that you really want. DO NOT do anything that you are not comfortable with. Going into something that you are apprehensive about is not going to end well and someone is going to get hurt.

Lay down the ground rules... and stick to them
Have a discussion and let your partner know what you are comfortable with for yourself and for them. Are you comfortable with penetration with this third person or are you sticking to oral? Do you want to watch or be involved? Who do you want involved men, women or both? Do you want it to be someone you know or a totally random hookup? Basically, figure out how far you want each other to go. Make sure to be specific, don't assume that your partner should know what you would want.

What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom
If this is supposed to be purely sexual then make sure you set that as one of your rules. You are just having sex not going out to dinner or talking on email or having long conversations about life. Keep all activity in the bedroom unless both partners agree to something else.

Too many penises and not enough hands
It's easy to get carried away when you are in the middle of it. There can be penises, vaginas, hands, toys, mouths all over the place. Just remember that everyone is there to get in on the action. Don't be selfish and steal all the sexy time, make sure that everyone is in on the fun in some way.

You are not a porn star
Now matter how awesome you think you are you are not a porn star. Let's keep things in perspective you probably are not going to be able to please ten people simultaneously and last for fifteen hours while orgasming too many times to count (If you are able to... call me). Your first time at this is probably going to be awkward. Also, if this is something that you have always wanted to do your expectations might be a little too high.

I know I sound like a broken record but communication is key here. You need to talk about ground rules before and discuss after the deed as well. What did you like? What did you not like? Do you want this to happen again? Make sure that you are honest and open and it can be a lot of fun. Remember this can only work if everyone involved is having a good time. Make sure you are aware of what you AND your partner is enjoying. HAVE FUN!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Does size matter?

In America we seem to have the mentality that bigger is better. We super size everything! But is bigger necessarily better? Well it depends who you ask. The people who are most concerned about size are guys. Think about the locker room or at urinals... have you taken a peek to see how you size up? Have you ever broken out the ruler to check out if you are above average? I'm sure you have. Just to put things in perspective when you type the word "average" into google the first thing that pops up is "average penile length."

So what is average?
The average erect penis length is 5.8 inches (base to tip). The average flaccid or non erect penis is 3.43 inches base to tip.

What's the vagina think of all this?
The vagina is a pretty adaptable thing and can comfortably accommodate both large and small penises with the same relative degree of comfort. The secret to pleasing your partner has less to do with penis size and more about the "motion of the ocean." Try different positions try different depths of thrusting. Now... if you are swinging a monster dong below your knees then you may have some difficulties.

Get your head (the one above your shoulders) in the game?
Anxiety is a horrible thing. If you are worried about your penis size, sex is not going to be fun. If your partner is not complaining then chances are that they don't care. As long as you both are having a satisfying sexual experience that's all that matters. Stop worrying about your size and concentrate on your technique.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

It's easy as B-C-P, 1-2-3

I'm on the mini pill and I'm not getting my period. Is this normal?

First off let's take a look at what birth control pills (BCP's) are. Most BCP's contain two types of synthetic female hormones (estrogen and progestin). These pills are called combo pills. Some examples combo pills are Ortho Tri-Cyclen, Yasmin, Yaz. There is another type of pill, which you are taking, that is made with only one hormone (progestin). This is called the progestin only pill or the mini pill.

Why take the mini pill?
The mini pill is prescribed when women dislike some of the side effects associated with estrogen. They can also take progestin only pills when they are nursing a child unlike the combo pills. Progestin only pills aren't as popular because there are other progestin only birth control methods such as Depo Prvera shots and IUD's (Intrauterine devices).

How do BCPs work?
BCP's work by stopping the development and release of eggs in the ovary (ovulation). It also helps prevent the sperm from reaching the egg (fertilization) by changing the lining of the uterus and thickening the cervical mucus. Think of it like trying to run in sand... it's a lot harder than running on land.

So why am I not bleeding?
The pill causes more regular and lighter periods and sometimes hardly any bleeding at all. This can present as spotting and you may not even have to wear a pad or a tampon. As long as you are taking your pill regularly then this can be a normal side effect...enjoy!

Side note: If you want to try a different method of birth control or you find yourself missing pills please talk to your gynecologist about your options. There are pills, patches, rings, and IUD's. Talk to your doctor and find out what works best for you. Just because you have always taken the pill doesn't mean that it is what is best for you.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

No orgasm with penetration? Become an explorer!

Do all women can experience orgasm from penetration?

In a one word answer...No. But please let me elaborate for you.
Let me throw a few statistics out at you...
10-20% of women never have any type of orgasm
60% of women no coital orgasm (orgasm from penetration)

If you aren't orgasming during penetration you are completely normal, in fact you are more likely to not have an orgasm during penetration. So if 60% of women aren't having orgasms from penetration then why does everyone think that is the way it is supposed to be? It's unrealistic ideals and expectations which are the big problem here. We are not porn stars, we don't get paid to have an orgasm anytime we are touched.

I believe that a lot has to do with education. Women need to know more about their bodies and what feels good to them, not what you think is supposed to feel good. Most women require direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Here is where I get on my soap box and tell you to MASTURBATE, MASTURBATE, MASTURBATE!!!! Explore your own body! How can you expect someone else to do a good job if you don't know what gets the job done?

If you really want to orgasm with penetration try clitoral stimulation with penetration. Or you can try oral sex and stop right before you are about to orgasm and have you partner penetrate you. This can trigger an orgasm. Some sexual positions, like women being on top can also provide more direct clitoral stimulation. Again, be an explorer try new things and find out what works best for you... everyone's path to orgasm is a little bit different so try some uncharted waters.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Putting the Juice Before the Caboose

I am dating a guy who is a top. However, he ejaculates very quickly. I'm wondering is there anything that I can do to help him not ejaculate so quickly?

Premature ejaculation or coming too soon is one of the most common sexual dysfunctions. There are a few treatments or tricks that your partner may be able to try out so that he can go stronger longer.

Wanna Talk About It?
Counseling or talk therapy can help either with your partner or with a therapist. During sessions you can talk about anxiety or stressors that may be affecting your performance.

Jerk it to Work It
Sometimes it is recommended to masturbate and ejaculate and hour or two before having sex. This could delay the ejaculation the next time you have sex and last a bit longer.

Squeeze It
The squeeze technique is a popular method for delaying ejaculation. You can practice this with masturbation or mutual masturbation.
Step 1. Begin sexual stimulation until you feel as if you are going to ejaculate.
Step 2. You or your partner should squeeze the end of the penis (the point where the head (glans) joins the shaft) Keep squeezing until you don't feel like you have to ejaculate anymore.
Step 3. After you stop squeezing wait for about 30 seconds then go back to sexual stimulation. You may notice that the penis starts to loose an erection but it will regain erection with stimulation.
Step 4. When you feel like you are about to ejaculate squeeze again and repeat as necessary.

Rub this on it
Climaz control creams or topical anesthetic creams containing lidocaine or prilocaine can dull the sensation and delay ejaculation. You apply it before intercourse and then wipe the cream off completely before sex. Be careful if these are oil based because they can cause a condom to break. Also if you plan on oral sex it can taste bad and numb the throat.

Wrap it up
Certain types of condoms that use climax control lubricants can be used to delay ejaculation. Trojan Extended Pleasure Condoms is just one example.

Remember sex is not just penetration. If you want more pleasure try extending foreplay and enjoy oral sex. You can always throw some sex toys into the mix too.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Suck at sucking?

I just started seeing this guy and he doesn't seem too enthused with my oral sex techniques. What can I do to wow him?

Oral sex, blow job, BJ, giving head, sucking D... whatever you call it there are skills to fabulous fellatio.
First things first let's talk about attitude. If you go down thinking that it is disgusting they are going to be able to tell. Enjoy it! Enjoy the fact that you are giving them pleasure.

Here are a few tips and pointers to help you out:

No biting: Just remember to slide your lips over your teeth for smooth gliding over the penis. If someone wants a nibble they'll tell you.

Mix it up: Try licking, sucking, stroking, kissing...mix it up. Don't be boring and just bob your head up and down. Try licking around the head of the penis or the frenulum (this is located on the underside of the penis by the head and is very sensitive). Try eye contact every once in a while and smile let them know that you are enjoying yourself. Feel free to moan every once in awhile it can make for some nice vibration. Let your partner know how turned on you are. Don't neglect the rest of the body the stomach, thighs and butt can feel nice too.

Deep throat: Just because porn stars do something doesn't mean that you have to. My recommendation is to always keep a hand at the base of the penis so that you don't take the penis too deep or if he gets excited and thrusts or pulls out the "1000 pound hand" you won't gag. Use your hand as a stopper.

To swallow or not to swallow: If you aren't crazy about cum don't worry you aren't going to hurt anyone's feelings. This is totally up to you. Let them know if you like swallow or not. Don't wait till you have a mouth full to have this conversation.

Multi-task: One of the best ways give a blow job is to use your hands and mouth. Place a hand at the base of the penis stroke the shaft while using your mouth. Some guys like their testicles played with some like their perineum (taint) stroked or anal play... but this brings me to the "C" word again communication.

Communicate: Don't just assume that all men are created equal or all men like the same thing. Don't just start playing with their taint and assume they like it. Communicate ask them if they like what you are doing, if they want more. If they can't speak because they are in ecstasy then take that as a yes.

Side note: If your partner is wearing a strap on a dildo treat it like it is an extension of their body and enjoy.

As always remember sex is fun and enjoy yourself.

The Art of Blow Job

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Make it Spicy, Please.....

So I have been dating this guy for a decent amount of time and we've typically had a good sexual relationship, but it seems like within the last month things sexually have gone downhill. We don't have sex as often as my sex drive would like to, and I feel like when we do, it's the same thing, just a different day. Don't get me wrong, it's good when we have sex, but I am wondering some good tips on how to spice things up a bit and make it even better?!

As discussed in a previous blog, My Sex Drive Is Like Woah I discussed the importance of communication. This is the same deal here...the most important thing in any relationship is an open line of communication. How is anyone supposed to know what you want if you never discuss it? Now do I mean straight up asking.. well yeah in some cases. In other cases you can show your partner what you want.

Some examples:
-You are your partner are getting it on and you wish that they would play with your boobs. Take their hands and place them on your boobs. Remember you can put their hands wherever you want them to go.
-You want some more foreplay action but they aren't getting the hint. Offer up a 69 option so that you both can keep going.
-If they aren't getting how you like things show them yourself. Show them how you play with yourself... what you do to make you feel good. It feels good for you and it gives them subtle pointers.

Role play: You can always spice it up with a little role play too. You don't need to build your own dungeon in the basement you can just add little things. Try wearing a cowboy hat while on top or go all out and wear a full costume, whatever your comfort level is. This also opens up a conversation about what your fantasies are. It could be an interesting conversation. And remember if you don't want to know...don't ask. Can you handle if they have a circus fantasy?

Gadgets and Gizmos Galore: Try using a vibrator or any other number of sex toys there are. Remember baby steps don't just whip out a giant dildo without asking. Show your partner how you use your toys when they are not around and incorporate it that way.

Private Dancer: We respond to sex through visuals ask your partner to do a strip tease for you and you can reciprocate. Show off your sexiest moves.

Who's In Control: Does your partner always initiate or vise versa? Why not try switching roles. Have the other person take the reigns for the night. They might really enjoy being in control or giving up the control they usually have.

Remember sex is supposed to be fun. Mix it up a bit and enjoy!

Monday, November 23, 2009

6 inches in, 10 feet back!

There are times when my boyfriend and I are having sex and upon thrusting into me his penis hits something inside of me that is so painful it makes me jump 10 feet. It does not happen all of the time but when it does it is during the deep thrusting positions you mentioned in your earlier column. My boyfriend is not a "large" man but would be considered average by most standards, including my own. This has happened with previous lovers as well. Can you explain to me why this is happening and what it is that is being hit causing this pain/discomfort?

There are many reasons for pain during sex: infection, vaginal tightness, etc... but it sounds like you may have a "tipped uterus." I am not a medical doctor and in no way diagnosing you, but this is just what it sounds like to me.

So what is a tipped uterus? No, it is not a ride at the carnival!

The uterus, also called the womb is pear shaped and where a baby grows when a woman is pregnant. The uterus is usually straight up and down but some women have a tilted uterus, where it is not straight up and down. Tilted uterus is also sometimes called retroverted uterus or tipped uterus.

Some women don't experience any symptoms but some can experience pain during sex (dyspareunia) and/or pain during menstruation (dysmenorrhea). Some women may also experience back pain during penetration.

I would however recommend some different positions that aren't deep thrusting. Here is another chance to get creative.

Cowgirl's Helper: Squat on top raising and lowering yourself with your thighs. This way you have control the depth of penetration. Have her squat on top, raising and lowering herself with her thighs. Cowgirl hat and boots are optional.

Reverse Missionary (woman on top): Also, referred to as reverse cowgirl. Rest on your knees and sit on top raising and lowering yourself. Again you will have control of the depth of penetration.

Woman on top leaning back: From this position you can lean all the way back until your back is resting on his legs. This will control the depth as well as give him access to your clitoris. You can also reverse this and face away from him and then lean back till your back rests on his chest this will give access to play with your boobs as well as clitoris.

Remember any position that you are in if you pull your legs closer and tighter together this will also help you control the depth of penetration. Also, it might be fun to take control and be on top you may just like it!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Blue Labs?

Can girls get blue balls?

In a word, YES! but please let me explain.

In a man blue balls is the aching that you feel in your testicles when you initiate sexual activity but don't orgasm. Let's take a look at the sexual response cycle. Come one everyone think back to high school health class what are the stages? Arousal/Excitement, Plateau, Orgasm, & Resolution. In Arousal/Excitement blood flow increases to the genitals and causes the genitals to be engorged and enlarge (i.e. erection). When and if the man reaches orgasm and ejaculates the body returns to a pre-aroused state during Resolution.

Men aren't the only ones experiencing blue balls... women follow through the sexual response cycle too. Their genitals also become engorged with blood during sexual arousal and, if they don't orgasm they too can experience genital aching. I guess we could call it Blue Labs or Blue Vag... your choice.

This aching does not usually last long and the pain associated with it is usually mild. The pain of blue balls tends to get exaggerated by some people (i.e. men). Most people have been trained to think that every sexual endeavor should always end in orgasm. I believe that the pain with blue balls or blue labs is often coupled with frustration and disappointment so it adds to the aching.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Are you a Barsexual??

So a lot of attention has been given to barsexuals lately. What is barsexual you may ask? Well Urban Dictionary describes a barsexual as "A heterosexual girl or woman who partakes in any sort of sexual or promiscuous activity with another female to get attention from males. This usually takes the form of making out, and to a lesser extent, grinding or dry humping with another female."

I have to be devil's advocate here and just ask if everyone would be as cool with this if it was men kissing men to get women's attention?

Don't get me wrong I'm all about people expressing their sexuality however they want. If someone wants to makeout with 30 girls I don't care. There was a segment on the Today show about barsexuals (this made me giggle hearing Meredith Vierra say the term) and how it is detrimental to women. Ummm.... okay how is this detrimental again?

There is another term in Urban Dictionary that is used LUG... which is a lesbian until graduation. I say why does it have to stop at graduation? why can you only makeout in places that charge a cover? If it the thrill of having people watch you (exhibitionist) then okay I get it but if you feel that it is the only time that it is acceptable then maybe you should explore leaving the bar.

Let me share a little story with you. There were some friends would go and make out at bars all the time which was acceptable. One night they went home and continued the makeout session... this was unacceptable with the friends because now they were "hooking up." This somehow crossed some sort of line. Why can't they go home and makeout and continue the fun? I think people are so worried about having labels placed on them that they are afraid to explore their own sexuality.

So what is the take away message... Go makeout with whoever you want and don't worry about what others think or what that makes you. Sing it with me....

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Fake it till you make it!

My boyfriend is a bit small in the package area. I guess I am used to having guys with a bit more substance which has always been quite pleasurable. Because I am used to that, having sex does not make me orgasm. Is there any suggesions or positions that might help us out so I can stop faking it??

First of all I must start out with a cliche... "it's not the size of the boat it's the motion in the ocean". If you are used to sex with larger packaged men then you are probably used to coital orgasms or orgasms with just penetration. Well let me offer you a little secret women can have all kinds of orgasms. Saying that there is only one kind of orgasm is like saying the world is flat!

Not all orgasms are created equal. Not all orgasms are the porno earth shattering screaming ones. Some people have very shallow or weak orgasms and some women have no orgasms at all. Some women can even fantasize themselves to orgasm with no one else involved. but I digress....

If your man is smaller then you are used to there are a few suggestions that I can offer to liven up the sack session. If you aren't orgasming from penetration alone try clitoral stimulation with penetration either by you, your man, or a vibrator. The best positions for this are doggy style, side by side, and woman on top for easy access.

The best positions for deep thrusting and G-spot stimulation are rear entry sexual positions that allow the penis to stimulate the G-Spot. Such as, doggy style, spooning/side by side, spread eagle, missionary and furniture:
Spooning or side by side: This will give your man easy access to the breasts and clitoris for added stimulation.
Spread Eagle: is a position that has the woman lying face down with her legs spread if you add a pillow under your hips to raise you up a bit off the bed.
Missionary: The good ol' missionary position can also be used for deep penetration just raise your legs and rest your calves on your man's shoulders. The more you raise your legs the deeper he will be able to penetrate you.
Furniture: Still feeling frisky why not bring some props into the mix. Grab a piece of sturdy furniture or counter top and sit or lay near the edge. Feeling adventurous sit on the washer or dryer and turn it on for some good vibrations (the furniture needs to be waist high for the man whether he is kneeling or standing... that way the penis can actually reach you). He or you can hold your legs apart allowing for deep penetration. As an added bonus this is a good location to be for oral sex for you.

Just keep in mind that not all women will enjoy deep penetration, but those that do WATCH OUT! Deep penetration does require adequate lubrication so foreplay is a must... remember that the furniture puts you in a good spot ;) Mix it up, if you go into a situation thinking that you aren't going to orgasm you probably won't. Remember the wise words of hockey star Wayne Gretzky "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." So how does that apply... I guess shoot for the back of the net (vagina) and play with the puck (clitoris) a bit.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

She has Herpes...


So, a few months back, I dated someone a bit. When things started to get a bit more physical / romantic... but before things got more serious, this someone brought it up with me that she was 'given' herpes by her ex. She had said that the herpes had not been 'active' for some time, but she mindfully brought it up regardless. The relationship never got tot he point where this was a concern, but if it did get to that point, what should be the worry / concern. Protection? With it being not 'active', does that make a difference?


Well first off I have a few questions:
1. What type of Herpes does she have? Herpes Simplex 1 (HSV1) or Herpes Simplex 2 (HSV2)?
2. Is she taking an antiviral medication like Valtrex?

Secondly let me just say that nationwide, at least 45 million people 12 years and older have genital herpes. So you aren't "dirty" if you have herpes.

It depends on what type of Herpes that she has. HSV1 is very common, this is what cold sores are. People can have an outbreak of HSV1 when they are under stress or are sick from another infection. HSV1 can however be transmitted from the mouth to the genitals via oral sex. HSV1 is usually mild, especially when it infects the lips, face, or genitals, but can worsen and spread to other areas of the body. When HSV1 is on the genital you may have an outbreak and then it usually goes away with treatment. This is not the case with HSV2.

HSV2, more commonly known as genital herpes is often spread from partner to partner without even knowing. Even if you are not showing any signs of sores you can still transmit herpes thought "viral shedding." This means that you may not be showing any signs or symptoms but can still pass on the virus to your partner. Once you have HSV2 you will always have it. You may never show symptoms but you could still pass it on to someone else.

Well, that scares the crap out of me what can I do?

Unfortunately, herpes is a frustrating infection. Basically, if one partner has genital herpes, the other partner is at risk of contracting herpes, whether or not sores are present. This is true whether you're having oral, vaginal, or anal sex. It's up to you and your partner to decide what level of risk you are comfortable with. When sores are visible, the risk of transmission through sex and skin-to-skin contact (around the area with sores) is highest. When there are no sores visible you are still at risk because of viral shedding.

Well I'll be safe if I just wrap it up with a condom right?

Herpes can occur on parts of the body that aren't covered by a condom, like the thighs and butt. Don't forget about viral shedding... it occurs a few days per year at the most; but since it's not possible to pinpoint the "shedding" days, it makes it hard to know when.

You can get herpes during vaginal, anal, and oral sex, even if you're using a condom. Using a condom or dental dam for oral sex is still safer than nothing at all but there is still a chance.

Can't they take that pill Valtrex that I see on TV?

Herpes medications can help reduce the frequency of outbreaks and help reduce the number of viral shedding days throughout the year. However even if you do everything correctly there is still a 10% chance that you can give Herpes to your partner.

So does this mean I have to dump the person I am seeing?

If the person with herpes is someone with whom you would like to, or plan to, have a long-term partnership, then you may be more willing to take and accept risk. If you're not sure, you may choose to practice safer sex or just avoid certain types of contact.

The National Herpes Hotline (919) 361.8488
This hotline provides accurate information and appropriate referrals to anyone concerned about herpes. Health specialists can address questions related to transmission, prevention and treatment of herpes. The hotline also provides support for emotional issues surrounding herpes such as self-esteem and partner communication. The hotline is open from 9:00am to 7:00pm Monday through Friday.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Sex drive is like woah!

Dear DeDe, My sex drive is like woah and I'm always jumping my man. How do I talk to him about this? Is this normal?

Sexual function and desire is individually defined. It is different for everyone. There is no "normal" range it is determined by your level of satisfaction. Sexual desire can change day to day, week to week, month to month, etc... Also keep in mind that it also varies from person to person. What you need to work on is a compromise for what works best for you as a couple.

So what does that all mean? Well, it means that your man might want to get it on once or twice a week and be completely satisfied but you might want it once or twice an hour and be completely unsatisfied with his once or twice a week nonsense! Okay now that we are in agreement that the need for sex varies.... there is however no agreement about what constitutes a low or high sex drive. I can see that this can cause tension in a relationship where one person wants one thing and the other wants something different.

First things first we need to dispel some myths:
1. ALL guys want it all the time non stop.
2. Girls who want it are sluts or something is wrong with them.

The most important thing in any relationship is an open line of communication. How is he supposed to know you want more if you never discuss it? Use open ended questions so that he can express his feelings beyond a yes or no questions. For example, "What do you think about...?", "How do you feel about...?".

Make sure that you express your needs and wants from a personal perspective rather than telling your man what to do. For example, "I would like us to have sex more often" rather than "You need to have sex with me more." This will open up communication in a positive and non judgmental way. Try and avoid "Why" questions because they can be seen as criticisms as well. "Why don't we have sex more often?" Doesn't come off as well as "I really enjoy when we have sex, we should definitely do it more often."

I can't stress enough that unless you communicate no one is going to know what is going on. Have a chat you may be surprised at the outcome.

And if all else fails maybe you can hang out with this guy!

Friday, November 13, 2009

All the single ladies...

I am a single lady and lately I have had some "needs" that I wanted to be met. I met a guy and as two consensual adults, we have decided to have SAFE sex with no strings attached. I have shared this "news" with my married friends and they have told me I am a total slut. I am not sure why they are being so judgemental, as they are so out of touch with the "single life" and they don't even try to understand the needs of a single woman. Any advice????

First of all I would like to commend you for practicing safe sex. My question to you is what do you constitute as safe sex? Are you using a condom and dental dams for oral sex? If not then you are opening yourself up to sexually transmitted infections (STI's). Just remember that even though a person seems nice and seems "clean," people can be asymptomatic which means that they can have no signs of an STI and can pass along an STI without even knowing that they have it.

Now that I'm done with the safe sex part let's address your friends... who cares what they think? It is really easy for people to pass judgement on others. How long have they been married? Are they happy? Perhaps they wish they could get in on the single life again. Sex is fun and exciting! If they are going to judge you then don't tell them about it, share the news with friends that you know wouldn't judge you.

Just a word of caution to the no strings attached lovin'... as friends with benefits or bed buddies just be careful that this is benefiting both parties and not just you. It is hard for some people to separate emotional feelings from sex. It really depends on your attitude towards sex. If sex is something that always means love and commitment to you, it's probably not going to work for you to engage in no string attached sex. If sex is a casual thing to you, then I think it's possible that you can get together and not get emotionally involved.

Make sure that you talk openly about your expectations and concerns. If you can't do this then you probably aren't comfortable to get naked with them. Don't assume that someone feels the same way that you do, make sure you say it out loud. Also, be aware that feelings change, and check things out periodically with yourself and your partner.

It's not all doom and gloom if you feel that you can handle it and you are practicing safe sex then go for, go buck wild, HAVE FUN!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Queef Relief

What is a queef and how can I stop it, especially with doggy style?

Queefs or sometimes called varts (vaginal farts) are very common for many women during sex. It occurs because the penis or sex toy is pumping air into the vagina during sex. The air that get pushed up in the vagina needs to escape somewhere and it escapes audibly with a sound that appears to be a fart. A queef is NOT a fart it is just air escaping that was pushed in. Queefs are more common with doggy style due to the angle of penetration. They are also more common if you switch positions a lot, pulling out and entering over again pushes air into the vagina. This doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you, or that you are under just happens.

Sorry to say that there is no real way to prevent queefing. If one position seems to be causing you queefs and you don't like it then you can try something new. There are hundreds of position variations, go shop around and find some good ones. You can also try shallower or slower thrusting. Most importantly laugh about it. Queefing is a by product of good sex!

"You are a woman and you are free to queef"

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Woah Dream Big!

So Christmas is approaching....ugh I know I am broke too. But along with Christmas comes amazing Christmas toy commercials. Besides the quintessential Toys R Us "I don't wanna grow up I'm a toys r us kid..." I saw a commercial that was a "playhouse" for girls. This wasn't just a normal house though it was a special house it folded open into the most glorious parts of a house. It is a female's dream ...a kitchen, a nursery and a washing machine... woohooo I know that has always been my dream, to fold, fluff and cook. The line in the song of the commercial actually says "taking care of my home is a dream, dream dream!" Woah! Dream big little girls.

This type of marketing to little girls is terrifying. What does the media tell us to dream for? Now don't get me wrong, I respect a woman that chooses to stay at home and be a mother and take care of a home, it is a hard job. It is really harmful to female girls to have toys that show that their dreams should include solely housework. The only thing that could have made this better is if the dream house came with your very own husband to cook and clean for?


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

So I'm a blogger....

Hello all well it's official I am now a blogger. I realized that I have been using my facebook page as a blog.

So what will you get here at my boom boom blog?
Well, thanks for asking. I will post my random thoughts about sexual health and sexuality in general and answer any questions that you might have.

What makes you such an expert?
Besides being the person that people have come to about sex questions since I was 6 years old I am currently pursuing my PhD in Sexual Health at Widener University. I also read through sexual health books, journals and semi-factual magazines voraciously.

How do I send you a question?
Please feel free to send any questions or comments that you might have to I will use questions for future blog postings. All postings will remain anonymous.

Thanks a bunch,