She has Herpes...

Question:

So, a few months back, I dated someone a bit. When things started to get a bit more physical / romantic... but before things got more serious, this someone brought it up with me that she was 'given' herpes by her ex. She had said that the herpes had not been 'active' for some time, but she mindfully brought it up regardless. The relationship never got tot he point where this was a concern, but if it did get to that point, what should be the worry / concern. Protection? With it being not 'active', does that make a difference?

Answer:

Well first off I have a few questions:
1. What type of Herpes does she have? Herpes Simplex 1 (HSV1) or Herpes Simplex 2 (HSV2)?
2. Is she taking an antiviral medication like Valtrex?

Secondly let me just say that nationwide, at least 45 million people 12 years and older have genital herpes. So you aren't "dirty" if you have herpes.

It depends on what type of Herpes that she has. HSV1 is very common, this is what cold sores are. People can have an outbreak of HSV1 when they are under stress or are sick from another infection. HSV1 can however be transmitted from the mouth to the genitals via oral sex. HSV1 is usually mild, especially when it infects the lips, face, or genitals, but can worsen and spread to other areas of the body. When HSV1 is on the genital you may have an outbreak and then it usually goes away with treatment. This is not the case with HSV2.

HSV2, more commonly known as genital herpes is often spread from partner to partner without even knowing. Even if you are not showing any signs of sores you can still transmit herpes thought "viral shedding." This means that you may not be showing any signs or symptoms but can still pass on the virus to your partner. Once you have HSV2 you will always have it. You may never show symptoms but you could still pass it on to someone else.

Well, that scares the crap out of me what can I do?

Unfortunately, herpes is a frustrating infection. Basically, if one partner has genital herpes, the other partner is at risk of contracting herpes, whether or not sores are present. This is true whether you're having oral, vaginal, or anal sex. It's up to you and your partner to decide what level of risk you are comfortable with. When sores are visible, the risk of transmission through sex and skin-to-skin contact (around the area with sores) is highest. When there are no sores visible you are still at risk because of viral shedding.

Well I'll be safe if I just wrap it up with a condom right?

Herpes can occur on parts of the body that aren't covered by a condom, like the thighs and butt. Don't forget about viral shedding... it occurs a few days per year at the most; but since it's not possible to pinpoint the "shedding" days, it makes it hard to know when.

You can get herpes during vaginal, anal, and oral sex, even if you're using a condom. Using a condom or dental dam for oral sex is still safer than nothing at all but there is still a chance.

Can't they take that pill Valtrex that I see on TV?

Herpes medications can help reduce the frequency of outbreaks and help reduce the number of viral shedding days throughout the year. However even if you do everything correctly there is still a 10% chance that you can give Herpes to your partner.

So does this mean I have to dump the person I am seeing?

If the person with herpes is someone with whom you would like to, or plan to, have a long-term partnership, then you may be more willing to take and accept risk. If you're not sure, you may choose to practice safer sex or just avoid certain types of contact.


The National Herpes Hotline (919) 361.8488
This hotline provides accurate information and appropriate referrals to anyone concerned about herpes. Health specialists can address questions related to transmission, prevention and treatment of herpes. The hotline also provides support for emotional issues surrounding herpes such as self-esteem and partner communication. The hotline is open from 9:00am to 7:00pm Monday through Friday.