Sex drive is like woah!

Question:
Dear DeDe, My sex drive is like woah and I'm always jumping my man. How do I talk to him about this? Is this normal?

Answer:
Sexual function and desire is individually defined. It is different for everyone. There is no "normal" range it is determined by your level of satisfaction. Sexual desire can change day to day, week to week, month to month, etc... Also keep in mind that it also varies from person to person. What you need to work on is a compromise for what works best for you as a couple.

So what does that all mean? Well, it means that your man might want to get it on once or twice a week and be completely satisfied but you might want it once or twice an hour and be completely unsatisfied with his once or twice a week nonsense! Okay now that we are in agreement that the need for sex varies.... there is however no agreement about what constitutes a low or high sex drive. I can see that this can cause tension in a relationship where one person wants one thing and the other wants something different.

First things first we need to dispel some myths:
1. ALL guys want it all the time non stop.
2. Girls who want it are sluts or something is wrong with them.

The most important thing in any relationship is an open line of communication. How is he supposed to know you want more if you never discuss it? Use open ended questions so that he can express his feelings beyond a yes or no questions. For example, "What do you think about...?", "How do you feel about...?".

Make sure that you express your needs and wants from a personal perspective rather than telling your man what to do. For example, "I would like us to have sex more often" rather than "You need to have sex with me more." This will open up communication in a positive and non judgmental way. Try and avoid "Why" questions because they can be seen as criticisms as well. "Why don't we have sex more often?" Doesn't come off as well as "I really enjoy when we have sex, we should definitely do it more often."

I can't stress enough that unless you communicate no one is going to know what is going on. Have a chat you may be surprised at the outcome.

And if all else fails maybe you can hang out with this guy!